Top Conker Tips for Autumn

Hi there everyone. I'm so excited that Autumn has finally arrived as I get chance to thrash all the Foxy Gang at Conkers. I've been going round our Cornwall Holiday Parks collecting conkers - there are loads at Trelawne and St Ives! I've spent ages making the perfect conker to beat any other. I'm going to share a couple of tips with you here.

Finding the Perfect Conker

This is the key to success. There's been a little argument in the Foxy Gang about how to do this. Of course Cheffy wants to bake his conker in the oven on a low heat. I reckon this dries the conker out and makes the skin all shrivelled so that's not the way for me. Kenny thinks you just need to find an old conker but I think that's just cos he's old so I'm not buying that. Paxo covered hers in nail varnish of course, although I don't think you're supposed to use the glittery one like she did. Little Trixie managed to get hold of some of Paxo's hand cream and smeared hers in that but that will only make it slimey. So I think my way is the best way - I pickled mine in vinegar from Chef's Corner. I know that can cause the insides to rot, but I will have destroyed everyone elses by then, so I'm not worried about that!

Preparing your Prize Conker

First of all you need to drill a hole - the smaller the hole the better. If you can get a grown up to make a small hole with a drill that is perfect. Then you need to thread the string (or shoelace) through the hole. That took me a while! The ideal length is somewhere between 30 and 50 centimetres - I went in the middle at 40cm for mine.

How to win at Conkers

Then there's your technique. First of all you need to wrap the string around your hand (or paw!) a bit until you have about 25cm to play with. Aim for your opponents knuckles (but don't actually hit them - that hurts!). You get three goes. Hopefully if you hit it every time, you'll weaken the conker and destroy it on your third go. If you manage to make it spin all the way round you get a extra go and should definitely destroy it after 4 hits and if none of that works, try and get your opponent to drop their conker, shout 'stampsies' and jump up and down on it until it is well and truely squashed!